Miscellaneous Archives - Mind and Body 4U

Two Stories One Life

As a child, I went to six different schools in seven years. What a drag having to always switch schools and never develop lasting friendships. I grew up without a solid father figure in my life. That left a huge emotional hole in my heart with only one parent. I wasn’t taught about the fundamentals of money, saving or investing which prevented me from building wealth at a young age. When I think about those days it is hard to not feel sorry for myself.

As a child, I went to six different schools in seven years. What an amazing experience to have lived in different places and to have learned how to meet and interact with new people. I grew up without a solid father figure in my life. I appreciated how one parent can really fill that void and made it normal for me. I wasn’t taught about the fundamentals of money, saving or investing, but I was taught how hard work and determination and not expecting handouts will pay off in the long run. When I think about those days it is hard to not feel very lucky.

Two stories about the exact same scenarios with a completely different outlook. I have told those stories to many people throughout the years. How I spin them is completely up to me. I lived each one of the stories in my life, however when you are in the story you can’t really see it. The problem is the stories we tell ourselves influence every aspect of our lives. We identify with them, we become them, and some people may judge us by them.

So a story that seemed to fit years ago may no longer reflect who we really are today. We can re-frame that story and give it a different meaning to us. Feeling sorry for myself for what I referred to as a gypsy childhood no longer serves me. I can’t change the story, shit happens, but what I can do is take away more positive pieces that have made me who I am today and embrace what may or may not have been screwed up.

So maybe your story isn’t all that glorious but it did make you who you are today. Take a look back at the stories and events in your life and see how they serve your current self. You may surprise yourself and realize it wasn’t all that bad and there were many good things that came of it.

I would love to hear some of your stories and how you used to think about them and how they now fit you today. I look forward to your comments…

Entitlement

As I was walking across a street with my 11 year old daughter, we were in the crosswalk and a car was approaching. Being unsure if the car was going to yield, I grabbed her hand to stop her from walking in front of the car. The person did stop to let us cross and my daughter said to me, “Dad we are in the crosswalk, we have the right of way!” I said, “I know we do honey, but you have to be aware in case they don’t stop for us”. Her response to me was, “Well if they hit me they will be in big trouble”. I said, “Or you will be dead, then where did your right of way get you?” We went back and forth a bit and I finally gave up and we moved on with our fun. This sense of entitlement not only really got me thinking about her safety, but people’s sense of entitlement in general.

If I were to have this same conversation with some adults, I believe I would get the same response as I did from my daughter. Take a ride through a store’s parking lot. There will be people pushing carts right down the drive lane with no regard to vehicles. Their thought process is, “you can’t hit me, I have the right of way”. Um, yes I CAN hit you and no doubt WILL be in trouble with the law and more than likely be sued. But was that thinking error worth the person’s injury or possibly even their death? The problem is, with adults this sense of entitlement is far larger than crossing the streets or parking lots.

So what does it mean to have a sense of entitlement? The dictionary defines it as “the belief that one inherently deserves privileges or special treatment.” It seems in today’s society this belief system is becoming the norm and socially acceptable. Are the days gone where if we wanted something we worked for it? If it’s not “fair” do we just pack it up and quit or worse yet stand there with an outstretched hand waiting for someone to make it fair?

I have seen firsthand so many examples of this sense of entitlement that it completely boggles my mind. From young adults who get out of college fully expecting to do as little as possible for the wages of a 20 year veteran in the work force, or a person who chooses to have little to no income and expect the state or another person to share the wealth to take care of them and create a better lifestyle for them. I completely understand there are situations where people need assistance and I am thankful we have systems in place for those people. These should be considered hand ups not handouts. But the folks who have the capabilities to work and earn but lack the desire is where I see things are broken not only in government but in our society in general. What these people are missing is if they work hard, if they work smart, they will reap the benefits of other people that do that same. You can’t stand with a hand out and expect it to come to you without effort. Some people definitely get what they want from handouts such as a lottery win or inheritance but having not worked for it I have to think it doesn’t mean as much and would be much more disposable.

I have yet to see a bodybuilder go to a gym, sit around, suck down protein powder and supplements and get huge and ripped without moving a single weight. We know of course this doesn’t work. Why? They didn’t do the necessary work. They didn’t work out day after day, rep after rep like a successful bodybuilder does. They just sat there waiting and nothing happened but disappointment. In most things in life we get out exactly what we put in. We reap what we sow and have to work for what we truly want in life.

It makes me sad and frustrated that there are actually laws in place that support this thought process of equality without regard to the work someone does. I don’t understand when this shifted. I was taught from a young age that life isn’t fair. It never will be fair. When someone tells me life isn’t fair, I ask them compared to what? The great equalizer is putting in the work and effort to make it fair. This is what has been lost in many situations. I am by no means referring to racial equality, or equality between men and women in regard to wages, jobs or anything else. All people on this planet are equal and should be treated that way. However should a person who sits home all day doing nothing by their choice have the same wages and benefits as someone who works 40 hours a week year after year? My thought is, get off your ass and do something about your situation, don’t stick your hand out and say I need your money. The problem is, our society seems to allow this if not promote it at times and it seems to be getting worse.

I definitely don’t have the answer for this but I do what I can to ensure myself, my daughter and people in my circle don’t fall into this way of thinking. When my daughter tells me while playing Monopoly if she runs out of money I just have to give her some of mine or she doesn’t need to practice because she will still get a trophy, I know I have some work to do. Every time a teaching moment comes up such as that one, I take the opportunity to explain work ethic and more importantly working smart. That it isn’t normal in life to sit and wait for good things to come your way. You need to get up and make them happen to ensure you get what you want out of life. It is no doubt an uphill battle, but it is a battle I take on not only for the good of her future, but society in general.

We need to stop living in the hand out, participation trophy world and start living in the I work for what I want world. The world where sometimes we win and sometimes, yes I will say it, we actually lose. If more people learned how to lose gracefully I think things could change. It is up to us as individuals to make life fair in our little worlds. We need to teach our kids that hard work matters and they will see the benefit of it whether it is in athletics, academics or the work force. The sense of entitlement has to stop and be replaced with a sense of accomplishment.

Are you hearing or are you listening?

Someone once said, “Hearing is through your ears, but listening is through your mind”. Again, as always a mind and body connection. Hearing for most people is natural unless you were born with a disability of some sort. The body or in this case the ears take in sound constantly throughout the day and night. Listening however is a different story all together. This is where the mind comes in. Listening is a skill that needs to be learned. I am definitely a work in progress with listening. My wife will confirm that.

I find myself hearing all sorts of things all day. Sometimes I choose not to listen while other times I should be listening to what someone has to say and I am either pre-occupied, or “hearing” other things around me. To listen takes focus and concentration. Guys, when your spouse comes in during the game and asks a question, and you look at her with a sill grin, you didn’t listen. Hell maybe you didn’t even hear her. Or when I try to speak to my daughter, I know she hears me but she isn’t listening. Sometimes there are some negative natural consequences when the listening part isn’t done. Something either took twice as long, or quite possibly something was wrecked or ruined. Not listening has it’s consequences for sure.

This hearing versus listening goes way deeper than the people we interact with or the audible words that are spoken. When you truly listen to what is going on around you or the words of someone speaking, you can truly be moved spiritually. I don’t know how many times I have seen a pastor give a sermon and I was hearing the words, and I thought I was listening but my actions when I left the church that day proved otherwise. Then there are the times I’m sitting there and think he is speaking directly to me and the words are burning into my soul. That is the kind of listening I need to do more often.

When I am in nature I hear the birds, the leaves, the cracking of sticks and all the other sounds out there. When I really listen to them I can almost reach a meditative state. I can focus on an individual bird chirping and wonder what he is trying to communicate. There are so many wonderful things in this world to listen to if we would just take the time and concentrate and take them all in.

It seems in this world today we have a tendency to take in all of the negative and the crap. I know I do at times. We hear it often but when you start listening to it, it affects your mood, your outlook, and breeds more negativity. This is the one time to say ok I hear all that is going on negative in this world, but you know what? I choose not to listen to it. I acknowledge it by hearing it but I will not listen to it and be influenced by it. As with anything that influences us, it can be positive or negative. It’s our choice.

So I am choosing to concentrate more and hone my listening skills. I will listen to the good stuff. I’m going to listen to how I can better myself and my family. I am going to listen to God and to nature. I am going to listen to those around me that desire my time and attention. I will listen to what matters. The rest I will just continue to hear.

So are you listening or are you just hearing? Take the time and think about it. I did and it opened my eyes to many opportunities and things I was missing. This is a one way trip through this world. I am going to take in as much as I can….So should you.

Why New Years Resolutions?

As the year is coming to a close I find myself thinking about a New Year Resolution. Am I going to eat better, give up alcohol, exercise more, be a better husband and dad… there are so many possibilities! After all, I always consider myself a work in progress. That’s when it hit me like a brick! Why did I wait until the end of the year to make a resolution? What was wrong with back in June? I wouldn’t have pissed away half a year right?

A resolution at the end of the year seems so hollow to me. How do we know we are ready to make a commitment to a resolution on a certain day? I feel you really need to want to change or do things differently, and it has nothing to do with the calendar. Instead of making resolutions why don’t we concentrate on creating the new habits or dropping the bad habits throughout the year. Maybe we procrastinate and find the new year a fresh start. Every day is a fresh start! Hell, sometimes every minute is a fresh start depending upon where you are in your journey.

So throughout the year maybe we acquired some bad habits. Those were easy weren’t they? It is so much easier to create a bad habit than it is to create a good habit. The reason is simple. It takes much more effort and mental toughness to create a new good habit like working out or eating right. Bad habits just happen without much effort. On the same token, eliminating that bad habit once acquired takes effort as well. Sometimes it seems we can never win against bad habits. It boils down to one simple statement. Once you control your mind, you can control your body. That only happens when we are ready, not on January 1st.

I recently read some statistics on gym memberships after New Years. They say 80% of the new gym members drop off the second week of February. That tells me they weren’t ready and January 1st wasn’t their day to start. Their mind wasn’t in it yet. So if January 1st isn’t the day when is the right time? When you are ready! We know when we are ready to change. Maybe we look in the mirror and think, wow, I packed on the weight! Or maybe we feel drained, with no energy and realize our diet is terrible. We cannot change any habits good or bad until we are truly ready to change.

So how do we eliminate bad habits and create new ones? Well it is easier said than done for sure. While both creating a new good habit and dropping a bad habit both take effort, I think if we can create a new one, the bad ones can take care of themselves and simply go away. A good example would be working out. Why do we want to spend an hour in the gym everyday working out to sculpt our bodies, and then eat a bunch of unhealthy food and negate all of those gains? After a while, we begin to realize our efforts are in vain for the most part. Now this is where it is decision time for us. Do we continue eating like crap or continue to work out and begin to eat right? This all depends on where you are at mentally, not what day of the year.

So we have decided we are ready for a change. How do we get there? Well, you get started that’s how. We do it today, not tomorrow, not next week, not January 1st. Now! You don’t try, you do whatever it takes. We need to write the change down, we need to list the steps we will use the get there, the obstacles we will encounter and what we will do to overcome them. We need to make ourselves accountable to someone for our goals. When you tell someone your plan, and they ask how its going. The last thing anyone ever wants to say is that we gave up. If your goal is to work out every morning make a trigger for yourself. Set out your workout clothes next to your bed so when you wake you see them. If your goal is to eat better, clean out the junk food, shop the outside aisles of the grocery store. Let set ourselves up for success.

They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. I tend to agree with that statistic. But what about getting rid of those bad habits? It takes 1 day at a time. It takes mental will power sometimes 1 minute at a time. I am willing to bet starting the new good habits will make dropping those bad ones much easier or at least less painful.

So make your resolution when you are ready. We need to monitor our progress and adjust as needed. I recently read a quote by Jim Stoppani and it said, “Don’t just MAKE a Resolution, BE the Resolution!”
So let’s go start a new habit, drop the bad ones, and work on what we want to work on. Let’s not wait until the end of the year, let’s do it right away and don’t waste any more time!

Happy New Year!

The new launch!

Today I launched the Mind and Body website!

I created this site for many different reasons. I want to share my journey and create personal accountability for lifestyle, exercise, diet and mental health. If I can help one person in any of those areas my goal will be satisfied. I personally am a work in progress so to speak and face all of these challenges daily as I am sure many people do. As I discover more tools and methods to reach my goals I will be sharing them.